A day of mourning
by JasperK
Summary: It has been a year since Wolfwood died...


_A/N:_ _Dedicated to Eden Evergreen who knows the power of music!_

* * *

It was a trip she had to take alone. Milly glanced back at the city of December far behind her in the pre-dawn light. She had requested this day off, and Miss Meryl had given her an achingly understanding look. As close as they could calculate, this was the day he died. She had initially intended to spend the day at home quietly contemplating what she knew of him. But that spark had died when she had arrived home the evening before. She had sat on the chair in her kitchen and stared at the way the light on the street lamp outside was reflected on the edge of the refrigerator door. She knew that behaviour in herself; it was her way of avoiding things. No. She could not do this alone, and she could not do this silently. Wolfwood lived such a vibrant life, how could she contemplate the day of his death in stillness and quietude?

She had woken early and had headed down to the tomas stables, which opened at four in the morning. After a brief negotiation, had hired a feisty tomas, and she had assured the stable owner she knew how to handle the creature. The tomas had been a good choice, she was two iles out from December and the creature was still going at a fair pace without hint of flagging. The cold dawn air bit at her face and hands, and she tried chafing her fingers to keep them warm. She did not wish for the suns to rise just yet, their heat calling the world to life from the dormancy of night, which would mean the day had truly started. That awful memorial of a day.

.

Livio sat on the tomb and idly picked out gravel that had fallen into the groove of the cross carved on the upper lid. There were a few scrubby weeds growing in the lee of the tomb. He left those there. It was not often that anything green could be cultivated, and if those wanted to grow there he was only going to encourage them. He watered them every second morning. He heard the chatter from the nearest dorm room of the orphanage and looked over at the children who suddenly froze in the act of climbing out of the window to go and play outside in their pyjamas before breakfast. There was a general scramble to get back inside and the shutters were hastily hauled closed. He could not help smiling. He knew they did that, Melanie complained the loudest as she was the one who had to repair the clothes they tore. Perhaps finding him there in the yard first would keep them from it for a week or two. He had his share of chores to do that morning, but not yet. He could not find the strength to simply slip into the flow of life. He had to slowly gather it, and Nicholas's tomb seemed to be the best place for such contemplations as he had in his mind.

.

The first sun rose as the orphanage came into sight, and Milly trotted the tomas into the yard as the second sun made its appearance throwing the single shadows into echoing pairs and increasing the glow of the light. A group of five orphans skipped and ran across to her as she dismounted.

"Hello, ma'am, welcome to our home." One of the elder girls said with a wide eyed stare at the tomas. Two of the boys were already admiring it.

"Is that a racing tomas?" One asked.

"Perhaps in its younger days." Milly said, she had been speculating such things herself with the way the creature had shot off across the plane as soon as she had reached a flat track of road.

"Yeah, he was, check here, the brand is still there. Cool."

The others crowded around to look at the brand on the leg of the tomas.

They took her over to the stables where there were stalls for six tomas's but no beasts present. However, it stank enough to tell her that there were indeed six tomas's on the property.

"Who's on tomas dung shovelling?" She asked and eyed the orphans. "This place needs cleaning."

The orphans melted away leaving the eldest girl standing there. She scowled after them.

"We're on kitchen duty this morning." She explained hastily, as if Milly were going to pick up the fork and demand she do the job right then. "The eleven and twelve year old boys are on stall cleaning, but they only do it once they've taken the tomas's out to help with the ploughing. It'll be done. You can have this last stall. Do you want water and food, it'll cost you though." She twisted her hands apologetically.

Milly paid and helped the girl remove the saddle and head shield off the tomas. The creature greedily stuffed its face in the trough and ignored their attentions.

"Who do you want to see?" The girl asked as they put the equipment into the tack room.

"Er." Milly was at a loss. No one, technically.

"I'll introduce you to Miss Melanie, she likes to know everyone who visits. C'mon."

Milly walked into the kitchen behind the girl.

"See!" Came a chorus from the group who had greeted her, and who were now scattered across the kitchen, some washing up, some drying, others packing away the crockery and cutlery. This remark was addressed to Melanie, a plump woman with black hair and a sharp but gentle eye. She stood at the door of the kitchen with her hands on her hips.

"Ah, now I understand, thanks for assisting our visitor, Laura."

"And us!" The others whined.

"Yes, and all of you. Thank you." She smiled at them all.

She crossed the room to Milly.

"May I help?"

Milly blinked. She tried to speak but nothing came out. In her helpless state, all she could do was to point out the door towards the grave.

Melanie reached out and put a hand on her arm.

"You were with him." She said softly. "I heard he travelled with two young women, as well as that outlaw."

Milly nodded blinking as tears filled her eye.

"You may wander freely through this property. If anyone asks, tell them to speak to Melanie."

Milly smiled her heartfelt thanks as tears slipped from her eyes.

.

"Livio!" Melanie's strident voice carried over the intervening yard.

He did not stop in his rhythmic motion of mixing cement, but caught the eyes of Sim and Jacob who were helping him.

"What did you do this time?" Sim asked with a knowing wince.

"I swear she makes up rules on the spot just so she can practice yelling." Jacob muttered and added another scoop of water.

"Hey now." Livio murmured at the boys, well they were young men really, at fifteen they were nearly ready to leave the orphanage. He was teaching them how to build a wall. This wall was to be part of the new crèche quarters; they had had an unfortunate influx in the number of orphans since the war had ended.

Melanie came up to him.

"There's a girl in the front yard. One of the four."

Livio stopped mixing the cement as an odd feeling curdled in his gut. It was all well and good that this was a sad day, he knew how to process such feelings, but now he'd have to talk about it. He did not want an audience for this.

"Sim, you know the consistency we want." He held out the shovel. "Keep mixing and I expect a perfectly laid row of bricks when I return, understood?"

"Yes Livio." Jacob nodded, his eyes travelled curiously across Livio's face but said nothing. It was as he crossed the yard with Melanie, that Livio realised he must have had some scary expression on his face for the boys to remain as silent as they did. He put his hand over his jaw and ran his fingers down to his chin. He had to remember not to scowl.

The girl was the tall one. Livio's heart sank. He had hoped that it would have been the more business like short one. She he could handle, a neutral discussion and perhaps a short explanation and condolence or two, but this one? Oh, he had seen what Nicholas had meant to her. He watched as Melanie went back to the kitchen. He felt like he was walking to the gallows as he crossed the short distance to where she stood beside the cross punisher that stood as the gravestone over Nicholas's grave.

He was shocked when she looked up with tear streaks on her face and broke into a broad smile.

"Oh, it's you!" She sounded delighted.

He stared.

"Uh, yeah." He managed and scratched at his hair, it was long again, and he had been doing heavy work since dawn. He knew he did not look anywhere near his best. That was just his luck, being kicked when he was down, but he had lived through worse than not being presentable to a woman who had known his friend.

"You're Vash's friend, right?" She plunged right on with her happy reunion. "You knew the preacher."

He felt a knife twist in his gut at that trusting smile on her face.

"Uh, yeah."

She gazed at him with gentle pity in her eyes.

"It's a sad day." She said softly. "You don't have to carry it alone."

He couldn't even find the breath to explain how wrong she had that. It was all his own guilt, and all his own fault that Nicholas lay beneath the ground, while he somehow, did not. He should be six feet under buried in some forgotten grave, but no. Vash the Stampede had a way of twisting the fates of people so that even their deaths were something glorious and their lives became significant. He stared blankly at the cross punisher, Vash had done that for Nicholas, and had saved his own unworthy self, so the crazy plant must have seen something in him. Livio could not for the life of him think what it was, so he had done the next best thing, he had tried to live out Nicholas's dream. He had been a little shocked to discover that he enjoyed it. However, seeing that girl with her trusting eyes cut through all the careful barriers he had put around the pain. He had done all he could to kill Nicholas, and living the man's dream would never bring him back.

He gave a violent start as he felt a light hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, you can cry. I won't mind." She said gently.

.

Milly watched the way Livio was being so careful around her. He was taller and stronger than she, but he acted as if he were afraid she was going to kick him. She sat down on the tomb and smiled up at him. After a moment's thought she slung the stun gun off her shoulder and put it at her feet. Livio stared wild eyed at it. This was not the man of action she had remembered him to be, what had happened in the intervening year?

"How did you meet him?" She asked.

Livio started from where he had been slouching against the cross punisher.

"Uh." He looked so bewildered that she qualified her statement.

"How did you meet Mister Priest?"

Livio hunched his shoulders.

"Here. Life kicked us both around till we ended up here." He grumbled and scuffed his foot on the dusty ground.

"Oh." Milly murmured as several things clicked into place in her mind. She had read the reports Luida had complied of the war, as she and Meryl had been integral in submitting such reports themselves. One of them had told of a guild of assassins who had served Knives, and had drawn their members from this very orphanage. She had seen Livio fight and had no doubt that he and Wolfwood had been caught up in that. Also, she had read the report Melanie and the orphans had submitted, the story they told about how Vash and Nicholas had fought for them. She lifted her head and stared at the man. It was he whom Nicholas had fought. Yet Vash had seen fit to draw him in as an ally. She could not imagine the conflict he must be feeling, she could only glimpse a mite of it in the agony in his eyes.

"Oh!" She stood up.

Livio flinched, but held his stance as casual as he could. Milly could see the strain that took.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "You knew Nicholas better than I ever did." She said contritely. "I don't understand everything so I don't know why you fought, but thank you."

"Thank you?" Livio spat, all his cringing vanished as he surged forward in a fit of fury. "Have you any idea what I did? What I have done?"

She stood her ground and glowered at him.

"Yes I do." She sniffed. "You were an assassin. So was Mister Priest. You were on the wrong side. So was Mister Priest. But Mister Vash found him and he found you, and that means that there is something good in you. So yes, I am mad at you for killing Mister Priest, but I am glad that you're protecting the children here. I heard about what happened to the team of kidnappers who took three of your eldest boys here."

Livio grimaced, that was underworld stuff, how did she know that?

"Mister Vash is easy going but strong willed, and he saw something in you. You can't betray his trust by standing there cowering. I forgave you long ago, Mister Priest would have wanted it that way."

Livio stood there with his mouth open. This conversation was becoming a little surreal.

"Nicholas? He'd have kicked my arse."

Milly gave a decisive nod.

"Yes, he would have, and then argued over morals like he did all the time with Mister Vash."

She watched as Livio gaped at her, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

"Er." Livio dragged his fingers through his hair.

"I want to hear a story about him, from when you knew him." Milly said with a smile. She sat down on the edge of the tomb.

.

Of all the things to ask. Livio opened and closed his mouth. He fidgeted with his hair then shoved his thumbs into his belt and scowled out at the desert sands. He did not want to talk about the times when he knew him. That would open a dam too deep; he would not survive the flood of anguish, not on a weak day like today. No, he would talk of Nicholas, but possibly more what she wanted to hear but did not know to ask.

"He was braver than me." Livio muttered almost inaudibly. "Wilier and saw truer than I ever did. But he loved. I only learned that much, much later, how to love. That was his true strength, and it is what killed him. He could have fled, sacrificed this place and lived, but his love kept him here, fighting."

He glanced down cringing again, he hadn't meant it to sound like an excuse, more of an accolade, but it had clanged against his own ears as an excuse.

Milly was watching him with a calm expression on her face.

"He often spoke of these orphans." She said and broke contact with his gaze and peered around at the orphanage. "I see you've done some work." She pointed at the building they had yet to plaster and paint.

"Yeah. There's more orphans to care for." He said gruffly.

"You doing okay for funds?"

"We get by." He said ambiguously. The last _donation_ had come in the form of money bequeathed by the inept gangsters who had thought the orphanage was an easy target for slave labour.

"Thanks for looking after them."

Livio clenched his fist, she knew. How she knew was beyond him, but it moved him deeply. It was gratifying that someone understood the silent fight he had to fight against the underworld to keep the orphans safe. To keep Nicholas's dream alive.

.

Milly rode home towards December as the first sun set. The shadow of herself on the tomas stretched like a ribbon across the dunes alongside her. It had been an odd day. Livio had not wanted to share much about Wolfwood, but she saw in his reactions and silences what the man had meant to him. And that was enough for now. Perhaps in time he would be able to process his feelings towards his friend without the damning guilt that clearly pooled around his memory. It had been a strange day, she had gone to confront her own feelings and to mourn, but something different had happened. She had comforted someone in a worse position than she had been, and somehow had come through the day stronger than she had entered it. She smiled at the odd shadow on the dune and half stood in the stirrups as the tomas reached its favourite stretch of straight road and picked up the pace.

.

Livio leaned against the cross punisher and stared out at the last rays of the setting sun. A dusty orange rim of light rapidly swallowed by the night. He felt washed out. Empty. He gazed up at the stars, but they were pale as four moons hung in the sky. No, not empty, exhausted. The feelings were all there, pain, remorse, sorrow and the heavy burden of hope that had settled over them. The exhaustion was from trying to process them all on one day. He would have the next day and the next, if he were so blessed as to be granted such a gift, to sort through the his grief. He had not expected the hope, it had come from the children, the unassuming expectation that there would be another day for them and a future ahead. He gritted his teeth as he realised that was exactly what Vash had done for him, nudged him onto a path that would give him a future. He could not begin to express the peculiar feelings that stirred in his heart.

He counted the moons; it was the first that was missing tonight. The fifth was easy to spot, thanks to its characteristic crater. He sighed and held up a glass to toast the night. He downed the whiskey and took a sharp gasp at how fiery it was. That girl, he could not get over how she could be in such deep mourning, yet practical and strong and so very, very kind.

"I bet you changed something in her life too." Livio muttered. He turned the tiny glass around in his fingers. "Wherever you are, you crazy wanderer." He murmured. "Nicholas and I are watching this place. Thanks for your help."


End file.
